You Know You’re a Cruise Ship Worker When…

You Know You’re a Cruise Ship Worker When….

 

  • You plan your entire day around crew all aboard time. No one wants their house to leave without them.
  • Getting a stomachache means either sucking it up or risk being quarantined for 72 hours for fear of a GI outbreak. Brace yourself for reruns of The Big Bang Theory and a dinner delivery of cold chicken and sticky rice.
  • Nothing ruins your day faster than an email about “red code.” Deep clean this embark day??? NOOOOOO!!!
  • Bingo Night means cheap Coronas in the theatre and yelling out inappropriate jokes at certain numbers being called. “O 69!” “Dinner for two!” … Was that my boss that just – yes, yes it was.
  • You have mastered the art of hiding your drunkenness. Did security just walk in? Shit, better turn my ratchet down a notch.
  • Your calendar is no longer defined by days of the week, but ports of call. What day is the magician performing? St. Thomas Day.
  • Shaving your legs requires the hand eye coordination of a Chinese Olympic gymnast. Looks like I missed a spot when my leg was behind my head.
  • The only reason you care that it’s the weekend is because now you won’t be able to reach home office for two days. Still no sign off date? Looks like you’re waiting another three days… it’s Friday. Miami checks out early on Fridays.
  • You know the location of the free wifi in every port of call, and you probably know all of the passwords, too. Crap, The Big Banana changed their password again. Waitress?
  • The only thing running through your mind during a boat drill is how many of those tiny liquors you can shove down your shirt before this mother goes down. If I’m stuck in a life raft, there better be Pringles and booze.
  • Your only window is on TV. Is it cloudy out? Dunno, turn on channel 19.
  • You have a real problem with anyone else having the same deck pone ringtone as you. Was that my phone!?!? *SIGH* Nope, IT guy has the same ring. So annoying.
  • Alcohol is not a problem, but truly the solution. We made it through another day! Drink!
  • You have become a master at time zones and time zone changes. Three hours forward in one week? No sweat.
  • You know the word “paisano,” use it daily, and fully understand its importance. Listen, I know you don’t like her, but she’s my paisano, so put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
  • You never crave rice, because it’s ALWAYS there. Ahhhh, the bucket of rice has been served.
  • You are disgustingly resourceful and have created costumes out of just about anything you can find onboard – tape, cardboard, your life jacket. It’s a “Safety Party”? Where did I put that hard hat I whittled out of styrofoam?
  • No one judges you for re-wearing the same dress to three different parties. Which of my six outfits will I wear tonight?
  • You know the most random phrases in obscure languages. I know thank you in approximately 30 languages, ‘Happy Birthday’ in Hungarian, ‘bastard’ in Greek, and ‘asshole’ in Spanish. Real life skills there.
  • Seeing the Captain around the ship is like having a cop car drive along side you on the highway – you’re not doing anything wrong, but you straighten up nonetheless. Shit, here comes Cap’n. Put your martini down! “Good evening, sir.”
  • You have learned to smile when you’re having the worst day of your life – it’s mandatory. I might have a flood in my room causing me to sleep in my office, but I wouldn’t want to put a damper on anyone’s vacation. “Good morning, Mr. Smith!”
  • You say hello to absolutely positively everyone that walks by. You also continue this practice at home and get weird looks. Crap, I can’t stop smiling at every stranger I see. This is not ok in NYC…
  • You make a family with people from every culture out there. You spend birthdays, holidays, every days and every waking hour with the same people and there’s not a second thought that this has become your super extended family. There isn’t a thing you wouldn’t do for them. “Girl, if you’re on port manning, I’m on port manning. Who needs a night out in Bermuda when we can watch Russell Peters on my laptop with some bowl noodles?” That’s love.

It’s been four years since I made my ship family, and I love and miss you all every day.

I want you guys to add to this list! Add more below!

 

Does this ring any bells ????????

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Published in: on April 25, 2014 at 20:33  Leave a Comment  

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